Hey guys, hope all is well with everyone. I’m still here, A little over a month shy of 700 days. I’ve been really bad about self-care lately and I can tell. I’m not craving alcohol but I just feel like, well shit. How the hell does anyone know what shit feels like? We have the damnedest expressions, put these images in your head; a bird in the hand…, sick as a dog, don’t cry over spilled milk, go take a flying fuck…. Now there’s a picture. Ok back to self-care. I’ve been sugar loading for a while now and it has got to stop. I’ve been watching baby grandson all month and it’s just time for me to stop. I feel so guilty saying that. He starts daycare in June. I wish I could be comfortable keeping him longer but I just can’t. I’m totally burned out, I had Gracie everyday for almost a year and I just can’t keep it up. It’s time to spoil myself instead of my kids and grandkids. Sounds so SELFISH, but damn, that’s how it is.
I’ve been making lists of things I want to do starting in June. Walking everyday and taking Olive along a couple of those days and healthy eating, healthy eating, healthy eating. Since I quit drinking I’ve had 8lbs to lose. It’s now 10. Shit. I’ve been sitting on the couch lately watching mindless TV and that has to change. If I don’t get moving I’ll slip into depression and that would suck the big one. Put that image in your head. I’m messing with your mind now! I’ve got boxes of photos I need to scan and slides I need to convert to digital, that particular item has been a favorite New Year’s resolution for the past oh, ten years. So, that’s what I’m up to. I need to get some new bubble bath and spend more mornings sipping coffee on my screened porch. If only the Chicago weather would make up it’s mind!!!
On to other things. I’ve got 22 tomato plants to get in the ground. Next weekend if the weather holds, you just never know around here. We have a lovely back yard but it’s shady so we rent two garden plots from our park district. It’s Husband # 1’s stress relief and I enjoy it. Fresh veggies all summer and pumpkins for the little one thing in the fall. I really look forward to it. It’s something we share. He grew up on a farm, sort of, and has taught me and our children a lot about the earth, plants and the how-to’s.
Speaking of…Husband #1 will be hitting 50 days soon. It’s been good, not as great as last time, but good. His overseas travel is messing with his health a little and his sleep patterns but he’s not quite ready to retire yet so we’re dealing the best we can. He’s a couple years younger than me ( looks loads older, shhh, don’t let him hear.). I think he’ll probably start up again after 100 days, he’s just not as committed or as addicted as I am, however, God only knows if or when that could happen to him. Let’s hope not. We need to look forward to retirement and the last cycle, God that sounds awful. But, it is what it is.
I meant to thank you all. A few posts back when he was drinking, I was lamenting what to do and you all gave me such great support and wisdom. Prim and Bye, Bye Beer especially. Insight is everything so thanks to you all. If he chooses to drink again I’ll may need to refer to all those comments.
So as to not cut off my nose to spite my face I’d best close for now. Summer is the most difficult time for me when it comes to not drinking but I’ll hold. Two years is just a couple months away, can’t spoil it now. I’ll post a few pictures because today is a beautiful day. Remember the early bird gets the, what the fuck am I doing!!