I’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’

Sometimes I feel like that toward Husband #1.  I used to smoke, gave it up 33 years ago when I became pregnant with my first child.  I’m a nasty reformed smoker.  Can’t stand to be around smoke or smokers.  It turns my stomach.  Reformed smokers are the worst.  That feeling is creeping into my reformed drinking self.  Most of my friends have one, or none when it comes to wine so they’re not the issue.  It’s Husband #1. I don’t want to be around him or talk to him when he’s drinking. It’s not like he gets falling down drunk, but he gets tipsy.  He drinks from 4:30-6:30 then stops, but by then he’s put a good deal of alcohol down the hatch.  It disgusts me. The feeling is starting to creep into my days and not just relegated to the witching hour when he imbibes.  Not good. Not good at all. After 36 years of marriage and all the bullshit he put up with because of my drinking I need to be more understanding.  But I can’t feel something I don’t feel or act like it’s nothing when it bothers the shit out of me!  I’m shutting him out. Can’t help it.  He says he’s quitting again next Thursday.  Why that day you ask, he’s scheduled for a colonoscopy on Friday, couldn’t drink if he wanted to. Trying to think of a clever joke here but I don’t have the intestinal fortitude for one right now. We shall see what happens, if he can make it another 100 days, he wants to make me happy. It won’t work unless he wants it too.  Wife versus Wolf.  Stay tuned. How do you guys deal with that, the drinking, not the colon thingy?  Any suggestions?

On a lighter note, had a great time in warm, wonderful Florida! Rode around in golf carts, soaked in salt water pool and did absofuckinglutely NOTHING, no dishes, no cooking, nothing for 4 days.  It was heaven. I was pouring my friends glasses of wine one evening realizing I never thought I’d be able to do that without wanting some myself. But I don’t.  I really hope this lasts.  I wake up feeling great every day.  Sure at my age I have some occasional back aches, but no fuzzy head, no dry mouth, no shame or regrets. SWEET!  Had some issues flying home.  Had to be diverted to Nashville for an hour but finally got home. I’m not a great flyer. Not a fan of take off.  It takes every ounce of my strength to keep that plane in the air until we arrive safely.   So I’m back to the cold and snow. I’d never been to Nashville, now I can say I have! Check that off my bucket list.

I’ve been watching The Great British Baking Show on a local public broadcast channel.  Hey UK friends, that Paul piercing blue eyes Hollywood is one HOT baker.  I know he’s no goody, goody and he cheated, but I gotta say he can come into my kitchen and judge my cookies anytime.  Loved the show.  Hope they broadcast the next few seasons.  Our competitive shows here are awful, Cupcake wars and Donut Showdowns just aren’t as entertaining.  A clerk at the local Whole Foods store asked me today if I watched the British show ( I was buying white chocolate, which must have given her the idea to ask).  We then talked about the hot, sexy slightly pudgy judge, did I say hot and sexy in the pink and purple shirt. And such bedroom, Paul Newman eyes. YUMMY. How many cooking terms have sexual meanings, let’s see?  Hot, steamy, yummy, smoking, broil, lip-smacking, got to stop now or I could get kicked off wordpress for being some perverted old grandma. You get the idea.

March 20th will mark 600 days. Un fucking believable. 600 days. I never thought I’d get past day 1. If I can do it so can you. Anything’s possible. Any time. No matter what your age. It’s never too late.

Sharon

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14 thoughts on “I’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’

  1. Paul Hollywood…. the phrase coming to my mind being…’and he knows it’ 😉 love the baking show too – laughing out loud at your ‘sexy, slightly pudgy’ description! could not believe how the whole UK went bonkers last season over a ‘controversy’ on the show – brilliantly exploited by the producers I have to say!

    on a more serious note I wish you luck with Husband No 1. it would drive me insane with irritation if my other half was getting lit up EVERY night so I totally get where you’re coming from. I truly don’t believe you ‘owe’ him understanding because of the crap you put him through in the past. but I do think the more empathy that you can have for him, the easier it will be for YOU BOTH. I have been doing a lot of reading recently about boundaries and this is from one article:

    “Try to empathize with the other person and where they are coming from, or what they have endured. Evaluate what is beneath your anger to work on the root issues, rather than simply using the strength of anger as your protective barrier against the other.”

    it is totally understandable that you are angry with him… and I know what it’s like to let anger build up into a wall against some-one. in my experience that wall can take a lot of knocking down again…

    wooo hoooo for nearly 600 days 🙂 which means I must be nearly at 500, too. to pinch a phrase of Clearlee’s – holy crap on a cracker 🙂 🙂 xxx

  2. Hey there…. First of all – 600 days???!!! You. Are. Amazing. Congratulations! My hubs still drinks (rarely drinks enough to get a noticeable buzz) but has offered to get rid of it in the house if it ever bothered me. Which it doesn’t. For me, it’s kind of how I felt about booze when I was pregnant – just not an option but could give a hoot if anyone else imbibes. But that’s just me. The only thing that bothers me at 201 days is when someone tries to make me feel like a weirdo for not drinking. I’m also a reformed smoker, like you. I can smell it a mile away. Blurgh.

    But… I hope you can find resolution and peace with the issue with your husband drinking/getting lit around you.

    Hugs!

  3. We LOVE the British baking show. Just watched the final show yesterday on DVR. Perfect end to the snow day, and even my kids like it. And yeah, that guy’s hot. He’s got his look down and wears it with confidence. I don’t know if i like him, but he’s very easy on the eye.

    But on to the meat of your post. My husband drinks too. It was something we bonded over in the early years, and yet somehow he controlled it in a way I couldnt, which reminds me of how you say yours drinks a fair amount, but only from 4:30-6:30.

    Do I wish mine would stop? Yes. I remember reading before when yours was doing a quit, or hearing other spouses quit outright, and I would feel envious. Envious is not a great place for me and I agree that it really has to be something they want to do. If they were quitting for us, would the motivation be there, the reward? Yours sounds like he does go more willingly to the idea of stopping, so maybe that reward is already there?

    At some point, I realized my husband’s drinking bothers me more because of what it reminds me about myself. He’s not abusive or endangering anyone. He knows my thoughts on the subject and maybe one day he’ll decide to quit. In the meanwhile, it’s gotten easier to detach and, I guess, ignore. I’m not sure if it’s a long term solution, but I know I can only change myself.

    Sorry for the book. So glad you had a lovely vacation.

  4. Hey Sharon – as for the hubs no suggestions and hope his colonscopy goes ok. Paul ‘I love myself’ Hollywood is good with his baking for sure but I’ll leave him to you 😉

  5. Wow, 600 days. Sober Rock Star!!
    My husband also drinks. Some nights more than others. Of course, now that I am sober, I can always tell the difference. On the nights when it is more than less, it annoys me to no end. Especially when he falls asleep facing me and breathes vodka all over my face. I want to punch him. I just kick him until he rolls over. Thank god vodka wasn’t my drink.
    It is a fine line we walk. His drinking is “controlled”. But is it? It is every night. He just has an off switch, which I did not. I do my best to ignore it. It is hard though.
    He quit for a month over the summer, and it was awesome.
    I wish I had an answer for you, just know that I can sympathize, and I am in the same boat. If that helps at all.
    Stay strong!

  6. My husband also drinks, every night. He doesn’t get hammered, but it’s enough to turn me off. He smells of it, he falls asleep watching TV at 7:30, and then sleeps only fitfully at night. The worst part for me is that he ‘minimizes’ his drinking. He claims he only has a lite beer every night (which is just insulting). He also claims that because he’s not abusive to me when he drinks, I have no right to complain. He also hides drinks, which I help him do by walking the dog every night around the cocktail hour. I’d just rather not sit around and watch.
    I don’t know what the answer is. No one seems to be able to help with this one either. I certainly don’t resent other people drinking, but then I don’t have to live with them night after night.
    But the most frustrating thing is the hypocrisy of it all. He congratulates me and tells me I am doing the right thing by not drinking, then engages in the very behavior that he condemns in me.
    I wonder if ultimately I’ll come to terms with this ‘incompatibility’ factor, or I’ll just leave.
    Shit, there I said it.
    Sorry to be a downer, but as you know, it’s a tough slog. Congratulations on 600 days!!!!
    Shannon

  7. 600 days!!! OMG, good for you. I’m at 76 days — a new record for me — and going strong. Hey, I’ll have turned 60 by the time I hit 600 days too.

  8. Gee Sharon! You were only a few hours away from Memphis! Too bad we couldn’t have met. Well, if you’re ever stranded in Memphis, you have a friend to have coffee with. So glad to hear you are doing well. Congrats on 600 days. Hope hubby gets on board. That would be hard. My husband has a couple beers on the weekends, but no big deal. Guess it’s not fun for him to drink without me anymore. All the best to you Sharon!
    Trish

  9. Congratulations on 600 Days! It’s a huge achievement. My husband still drinks too, and it definitely annoys me when he gets tipsy…I try to focus on the other wonderful things he does, and the fact that he’s lucky he’s not an alcoholic. 🙂

  10. Wow Sharon…. 600 days!!! I also am 62 years old and have decided it is time to quit however I am only on day 10. I do continue to be excited about it and am busy reading blogs like yours for inspiration 🙂 Thanks for being out here.

    • i am 60 and i am on Day 10. i feel good. i know it is still early, but i am hoping continue to be done with the wine. hate the next morning, the fog, dry mouth, guilt. my triggers are in the social settings and i love to have a glass of wine while I cook. But with these blogs, i am gaining so much strength and ideas. 600 days – can’t imagine– way to go. i hope to pour wine for my friends and not have any desire to join them. thanks for the blog.

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