The Bitch is Back.

I’ve been MIA lately. I read all your blogs almost everyday. I’m here, I’m sober. I’m pissed at the weather, I’m sure I have that seasonal disorder thingy and it makes me SAD! I hate the grey, dreary skies and I fucking DETEST the cold.  Then move you say, wish it was that easy.

I’ve had some I would like a drink moments in the past few weeks.  Husband #1 is back to almost nightly beer and wine and it royally pisses me off.  He promises he’ll do another 100 days after Christmas, but the longer he drinks we all know the harder it is to quit.  We’re OK now, but we had some very rough times when he first started sipping again.  I resented the hell out of it and was sooooooo disappointed. What a weak son of a bitch, I thought.  Meanwhile, I’m not fucking perfect either (well I’m close) so where do I get off thinking that about him. I need to stay on my side of the street when it comes to drinking.  Take care of myself, it’s my life and my sobriety that’s important.  But it’s hard.  Anyway, we ironed some things out, we’re back on track. For now.

Olive the Puppy has turned out to be wonderful, like my salvation.  I am smitten, love the hell out of her.  She’s my menopausal baby, only I’m way past menopause. My last dog. Hard to say that but do the math, if she makes it to 12 years I’ll be 75. Shit. The only issue we have is that she’s ruthlessly hard on Ralph the Dog, he weighs in at 102 lbs. and he lets her chew and beat the shit out of him.  He needs to throw her across the room to get her to stop hanging on his neck, but he’s too much of a gentleman. She was my one year soberversary present and I can’t let her down either, can’t drink or I’ll have to give her back, at least that’s what I tell myself so I’m now at 482 days, 500 is just around the corner.

imageNot to sound ungrateful but Thanksgiving will be a bitch this year. My kids and their kids and my stepmother will be here, those are the usual suspects. However, my niece and her two sons are coming.  Haven’t seen them in three years.  They are like the relatives from Hell.  Remember National Lampoon Christmas movie where Randy Quaid shows up in a RV in a t-shirt, snorting beer.  Yep, you get the picture.  The two boys are 7 and 6, no manners, no discipline, etc.  My niece has had it rough but… To top it off they’re not arriving until Wednesday at midnight.  Knowing full well we have to get up around 5, doing the Turkey Trot again this year, make breakfast and cook most of the day for a big turkey dinner.  Rude, just rude.  Ok, I think I’ve bitched enough.

I worry that 13 people and 3 dogs in the house will make me want to drink.  And.They. Will. I need to put that mantra in my head,” I am stronger than you (wolfie), I am stronger than you.” Doesn’t matter that it’s also Thanksgiving, 8 adults, 5 kids under 8 and 3 dogs would make anyone want to drink.  Therein lies the problem. I worry Husband #1 might get a little tipsy and then I’ll be really angry. If it was anyone else I wouldn’t care, so why does it matter if it’s your spouse? Haven’t figured the exact answer to that yet. Yes, we’re a unit but we are also individuals, we are responsible for our own behavior.   Tell me to hold my tongue.  He doesn’t deal well with crowds, hell, he doesn’t deal well when it’s just our family. He can’t handle the noise level. He’s promised to try to not get too uptight (Type A all the way).  Wish me luck.  I thought I said I was done bitching. Lies, lies, lies.

So tell me to shut the f… up, be grateful that I have family, money enough to put on a big spread, house big enough to accomadate 13 people and 3 frickin dogs, and I AM SOBER so I can bitch and moan and enjoy and love every minute of it. Wish me well.

Now, I have to go hang Christmas lights. Shit. If it’s not one thing, it’s…

 

 

 

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15 thoughts on “The Bitch is Back.

  1. Love, love, love to read what you write!!! Have read all your posts and comments. 78 days sober! Early on you, Belle and Jean from Unpickled got me through it. This is a tough road we’re on and some wonderful laughter helps a whole bunch! Have a great holiday season!
    Mary 💗

    • I hope you float through those days with light and grace. Don’t think too much beforehand. That just adds to the hell.
      Do anything you can to make preparation easier. I remember being a guest at someone’s house and for the first time realizing how much work my mother put into the Thanksgiving dinner and how quickly it was consumed, whether the pies were homemade or frozen.
      Take care! Give thanks…!You’re sober!

  2. U B funny, girlfriend!
    You can do this turkey day thing. Just think of Olive.
    In fact, put a BOWL full of olives on the counter – pop one in your mouth every time you think about wanting a drink. Your stomach will tell your brain a glass of alcohol is the LAST thing you feel like having, AND you’ll remind yourself that you get to keep the puppy! We’re all pulling for you. Pam

  3. You are a v. Funny lady….have me laughing. Maybe if you think of all the humorous material this dreaded event and participants will provide for future updates to your ‘public,’ it will help. Don’t take a drink, take notes!

  4. dear Sharon – if only our drinking would stop husbands being an ass! but we know it doesn’t (defenestration the only known cure) so we keep right on not drinking at them….being sober is the best revenge 😉

    but seriously, I am sorry that H No 1 is struggling with it again as I know how happy it made you when he got it before… hope that he will again and/or that you find the strength to stand by him WHILST leaving him to it – no easy task I know but you are a fierce, strong woman and have it in you, I know! let of steam (aka bitch) here as much as you like, it’s what we’re here for.

    good luck with the festivities. take a break from the madness when you need to. remember always how damn far you have come and how proud you can be of yourself. much love, Prim xxx

  5. Hi Sharon, I’ve been MIA too. Just reading these days, but have settled in to my sober life quite well. Remember, you have the opportunity to observe the drinkers around you this holiday season – which will no doubt remind you why sobriety makes you so happy. You are the strong one, the one in total control of your thoughts, emotions, and actions. Observe Wolfie on the shoulders of those without that strength. You’ll be just fine. Happy Thanksgiving my friend!

    Stay warm,

    Trish

  6. Ha! Fantastic. Thanks for your uncut honesty – it’s refreshing as hell. I used to go through horror show Thanksgivings with my family…I was the youngest of 6 and the only daughter AND single AND in my early 40s at the time. Just my brothers and their families added up to about 30 people every year. I got so tired of cooking being the kitchen slave, and the cacophony of family holiday bullshit…I got married, had a baby and moved to France. 😉 You’re brave and generous for opening your home to your family…and you’re on the money about focusing on your own sobriety instead of on how much Husband #1 is drinking. Just keep thinking of all us other sober fools out here rooting for you.

  7. I’ve been missing your posts and worried about you. Glad to see you are back and in fine form! Come to Canada – Thanksgiving is finished here – but the weather is horrific! Hang in there, one moment at a time. The dogs will help, as long as they don’t abscond with the turkey. Too bad husbands can’t be stuffed!

  8. Sharon –

    You bitch and moan all you want – that’s why you blog…to get it out of your head so you don’t have to think about it anymore…well…at least not as much.

    It matters that your husband drinks because it feels like a betrayal when he does. He KNOWS how hard this is for you. He KNOWS it’s not good for him. He KNOWS! And still he drinks. And you worry that he’s an alcoholic like you which means it will only continue to escalate until he either dies or gets sober. You KNOW.

    BUT – you can’t worry about that because it’s enough just to try and stay sober yourself.

    Am I close? Yeah…been there…got that t-shirt…didn’t fit so well so I took it back. It was like that for me when I quit smoking. My mother lived with us and continued to smoke MY BRAND. It finally killed her. Sigh….

    Hang tough and know that you’re not alone. You’re a mother fucking sober ninja lady now and you will be come January 1st.

    Or THIS mother fucking sober ninja lady will come and kick your ass. Or steal your dog. They are both so gorgeous!

    Sherry

  9. I got a sunlight lamp. Don’t know if it is helping but it might be worth a try. I use it 30 minutes in the morning. It does give me an excuse for another cup of coffee and more of the paper. Love your blog. Makes me feel like getting sober at 61 isn’t that unreasonable!!!! Thanks so much.

  10. Hi Sharon. Just catching up on your blog. I’ve been MIA for awhile. I love, love, love your new puppy – and the idea of a soberversary dog! I’ve got it in my head to go one year without drinking (knowing it should be permanent, but one “year/day” at a time) and I’m 1 month down. Will be dreaming of a new dog for the next 11 months …. So glad that you’re sober and happy! Thank you for keeping the blog going. Your posts are a treat to read.

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