It’s been a while. Halfway through our second week of vacation in Duck, North Carolina on the Outer Banks. Favorite place in the whole world. But man, what a first week we had.
I haven’t wanted to drink this much in 390 some days. It was a really hard, trying first week. Husband #1 and I drove down with the two dogs (fun times). The rest of the family flew in on Sunday, the 23rd. It was so wonderful to have my kids and my three granddaughters at the beach. Watching them play in the sand and the surf, building sandcastles and having ice cream everyday. BUT, that redheaded one was really a handful. A screaming, crying, pouting, handful. She was fine as long as my daughter was out of the room, but once she saw her mom she wanted to be picked up and if not, SCREAM!!! While she (19 months old) was screaming, the 4 yr old was talking incessantly and the one year old was tottering around ready to bash herself on a corner somewhere or she was batting at OTP (Olive the Puppy), you do not wave your tiny little fingers at a sharp toothed pup. I was so tempted to drink, so tempted, I can’t remember when the urge was so strong. I was almost in tears by the time they left on Sunday, it was a hard week. My nerves were shattered. I’m also worried about my daughter, there’s only so much of that screaming you can deal with before you break down and scream yourself. Redhead is not that bad at home so maybe things are better now that they’re home (fingers crossed).
Anyway, I didn’t drink but Wolfie was whispering, then turning up the volume about how a glass of wine would feel sooooooooo good. It didn’t help that there was wine and beer in the fridge. I had saved an email from Belle about “if you ever think about relapsing, read this”. Thank God, I read it twice one night with deep breaths until the feeling passed. So, I guess it doesn’t matter how fucking sober you think you are, that damn wolf is around every corner.
AHHHHHHH! So on to week two. Oh, almost forgot, Husband #1 hit 100 days on August 26. Yeah!! Then, he gave in to temptation. Not too much, but he’s had some wine and beer since. Tomorrow he’s starting over and abstaining until Christmas and belittling himself for being weak and giving in. I’ll take what I can get, so all is well. We celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary on Sept.1 along with my, get ready for it, 400 days sober. We had a lovely dinner out, watched the sun set over the sound and had yummy desserts.
Now, we’re having beautiful days at the beach, I’m getting caught up on magazines and books.Haven’t listened to the news at all. Life is good, it’s great to watch the sunrise over the ocean. Good to be alive and sober.
Olive is a fucking lot of work. What was I thinking taking on a puppy at my age? This beach house has two sets of stairs. So I’m up and down a million times a day. I will be super skinny by the time we leave and have a pretty tight ass for an old grey haired lady!! Olive needs to go out once or twice an hour and sometimes has to be carried down the first flight. WTF? She’s also had “issues” and is on prescription dog food that I mix with chicken and rice. Yes, I’m cooking chicken and rice for a DOG on vacation at the beach. At least now she doesn’t get me up all night long to go to the bathroom!! Like I said, what was I thinking?? Another reason I was tempted to drink. I will probably be tempted until she’s completely housebroken, which better be fucking soon! I’m being tested for Sainthood I think. Oh the trials I endure to try to stay active. It’s back-firing, it’s making me tired and just a little bitchy. But she’s so damn cute!!!
We head home on Saturday morning, we’ll drive straight through, about 17 hours, 18 because of Olive’s bladder.
I saw the best saying on a t-shirt yesterday, I almost bought it. I may go back tomorrow and get it. It said, “After Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.
Signing off from the beach.