On Saturday, May 24th, 300 days. Pretty amazing if I do say so myself. So ,hey what have I been doing? Living, just going about my days living with a clear head and a love for life. Nothing exciting happening except that the weather is finally warm and I can get out to walk, at last. I’m still watching the grandchildren waaayyy more than I should so my self-care hasn’t been what it should be, the important thing about that is that I’m aware of it, I know I need to fix that so I’m working on it. I don’t want to wear out and become some “old Grammy”.
On that note I’m thinking about dying my hair again, going back to blonde. But, I don’t know, I hate the monthly expense. I do this all the time blonde,grey,blonde,grey,sister,mother…oh Jack, you haven’t done anything for a while. It’s not that it really makes me look any younger, it’s just that when I walk by a mirror I’m struck with,”who is that grey haired woman? ” Me. Oh vanity thy name is Sharon. Anyway I’m thinking about it.
So I will celebrate my 300 with some kind of treat, maybe some new capris. I just bought three new pairs of shoes so they don’t count. I need a new bathing suit for the beach this summer but I don’t consider shopping for bathing suits a treat!!! $150 for a tight piece of spandex that does NOT make me look like Kate Upton, they make me look more like Ester Williams. ( I’m sure some of you will have to hit google for that one.) Who IS that person in the mirror,with grey hair, or is it blonde? It’s really fucking hard to think like you’re 40 and be 62.
For my 365 I was looking for a spa weekend somewhere but I’m having difficulty finding one in the area. Husband #1 said he’d spring for a weekend somewhere I find a spa to my liking, so we shall see. I may just send everyone away, turn off my phone and spend a couple days in solitude at home. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? But there’s always Ralph the Dog or some other crazy thing to address. (I was going to say other crazy thing to deal with, but that would be ending a sentence with a preposition and Sherry would come hunt me down.)
Shortly before my 365 I’ll pledge to Belle another 6 months, I need short term goals. But I’m not in this for the short term, I’m in it for the long haul. The other day my daughter-in-law asked me if I thought I’d ever drink again ( they were all tasting my cranberry and tonic and commenting on how refreshing it was) and I immediately answered no. No hesitation, no need to think about it, just no. Then I felt awkward so I qualified it, “well I hope not, I don’t think so, maybe after two years, we’ll see”. I didn’t want to say I can’t, not in front of family who don’t know my dirty little secrets of how I over indulged in private. Or at least I think they don’t. Killing myself from the inside out. But I can tell you guys, you know the ugly truth about our kind of drinking. I can’t drink again whether I want to or not. So thank you God that I don’t want to anymore. And I don’t need it anymore. It’s so f..ing fabulous when that desire leaves and is replaced with a desire to be happy, act crazy, really truly laugh. But it takes time. It wasn’t easy to get to this point. Life is life with all its ups and downs. But riding it out sober is much better.
I’m sitting on my porch writing this, the sun is shining, Grace is napping. I just gave RTD (you know, Ralph) a toss. I should be cleaning house but instead I’m taking me time. Time for reflection is a good thing. Life is good, ordinary, but good. Nothing’s perfect, my lower back’s giving me some twinges (too much gardening). I had to stuff insoles in my shoes because of heel pain (plantars fasciitis ) pray you never get that, it hurts like a mother…, and I still have those same f…ing 8 pounds to shed. Husband #1 is desperate to retire but hesitates because of finances, will there ever be enough? My son-in-law is nervous about layoffs at his company so all the stress my daughter feels ( new house, two little kids) gets dumped on me. Still no good reason to drink. Never starting over again. Deep breaths and listen to the birds. After all Rhett, tomorrow is another day.
So I got hooked on Starbucks. I always had decaf at home and never went to Starbucks until I got sober and decided to treat myself to a fancy coffee every now and then. Well it’s now a daily habit! I know it’s about $5 a day but I used to spend $10-15 a day on wine, more towards the end because one bottle just wasn’t enough. So I’ll have my grande mocha everyday and that’s that. Besides, I need a pick me up around 2pm daily cause watching kids is exhausting. Every so often I pay it forward, or I guess it’s actually backward cause I buy the coffee for the person behind me at the drive up. Trying to make it a weekly thing. I’m too committed to childcare to get out and get busy, I’d like to volunteer somewhere but just no time. I know, I know if they’re in line at Starbucks they can buy their own damn coffee. Cut me some slack, I still have grey hair so show some respect!
My New York trip was a lot of fun. The plays were fabulous. I want to sing like Idina Menzel but I suck at singing, so I’m not contemplating a career change any time soon. Seeing Brian Cranston was great, he’s a little on the small side to portray LBJ but certainly an accomplished actor. The down side was it fucking poured rain all day Wednesday, which was our only full day there. We took a walking, excuse me, puddle jumping tour of the financial district. Then the 9-11 memorial, the museum wasn’t open yet. We never got off the boat at Miss Liberty because of the rain though we did visit Ellis Island. I found my husband’s grandfather’s name on a ship’s manifest. That was very cool. There was so much rain that we couldn’t get a cab back to the hotel after the play Wednesday night. Unbelievable. Those are my shoes hanging from the hotel vent to dry.
See, just everyday stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary. Regular sober shit. 300 days of it and I wouldn’t trade one moment of those 300 for a drop of alcohol. Join me, won’t you?