Euphoria

Things are good.  Life is good.  Being sober is good, no better than good.  No shame, no fuzzy head until 11 every morning. No wondering what I said or did.  Did I text, did I call someone? Some mornings I knew Husband #1 was mad at me but I hadn’t a clue why.

I don’t know why I was able to do it this time. I’m at 233 days, I know it’s early but I really don’t want a drink anymore.  Oh, sure, I want the ceremony, the props,  but I don’t want the buzz, because after the initial warmth comes the shame, the regret, the self hatred.

I read your blogs everyday and I cheer for the victories and cry for the defeats.  It keeps me strong and focused and humble.  But I sometimes feel bad that I’m feeling so good.  I know that’s stupid but I sometimes wonder why me, why this time.  That said, I am frickin 62 years old, it’s about damn time.

Sherry says she’s feeling happy and scared at sobermomwrites.wordpress.com ( I can not get those fucking links to work on my iPad!!). I feel the same way. Things are going so well that I’m a little nervous.

 Oh nothing’s perfect. I still argue a lot with #1 about his drinking or I don’t mention it and then we feel a distance between us.  I still have those 8 pounds to lose. I’ll probably come in last in the March Madness Pool. And the snow has finally melted so Ralph the Dog tracks in MUD MUD MUD. I’ve been totally exhausted lately.  Falling into bed.  I’m kind of “Grammyed” out.  I’ve been doing a lot of babysitting in addition to my three days with Grace.  I’m painting my daughters kitchen cabinets, which is a really big job (I’m the family Ms. Fixit) and I’m trying to eke out a little time for #1 and for myself.  But it’s a good tired. A productive tired.  A sober tired.  

Things are good.  Life is good.  Being sober is good, no better than good. I am so beyond grateful.

 

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Euphoria

  1. 233 days is fantastic! I am impressed and bouyed by how good you feel. I need to get there!
    You sound so happy, life really is better sober, no matter how much shit you have to step in to get there.

  2. Congrats on 233 days! Awesome! I totally understand being nervous because things are going well. We’re not used to things going well, we’re used to the doom, the shame, the guilt. It takes a while to be ok with the good, I mean to be accepting of good things for us. But enjoy it. You deserve it, we all deserve it. 😊

  3. I love your emails. I love your sobriety time! You said you don’t know why it worked this time….I doubt anyone does when it finally “clicks.” Just enjoy! Your happiness comes shining through.
    Joan B.

  4. “Things are going so well that I’m a little nervous.” Maybe on some level, even if one isn’t in AA, the concept that ‘when things go well is when you fall off the wagon’ still runs across our minds every now and again. I don’t buy into it, though; when things are great, I enjoy them!!! Why worry about things that haven’t happened yet, right? Rock on and have fun!!!! Oh, and isn’t that kind of “I’ve accomplished something wonderful” exhaustion a great feeling? 🙂

  5. Thank you so much for the shout out!!!!

    But I think you are so right…you’re 62 and I’m 52 and it’s about damn time something clicked!!!

    Let’s just try to enjoy the happy and leave it at that. (Well we can TRY right?)

    Love your blog and the way you write. Thank you for that…it kind of makes my day when I see a post from you pop up.

    Sherry

  6. Your words were the pick me up I needed to get me out of the “funk”
    I’ve been in the last few days. The 100 day challenge entry made me calculate my days and recognize St Paddy’s day was 100 for me. Can’t believe it’s been 100 days. Kind of fitting for an Irish Girl!

  7. what a lovely, happy post to read, thank you! I too also worry that things are going so well (sounds big headed for me even to say that). I agree with Maggie that we are not used to being in a good place and it is difficult for us to accept. Now that’s a great problem to have, huh?!

    I read a brilliant quote the other day (can’t remember from whom, sorry, it was a male American writer) along the lines of, when we’re drinking the hair of the dog, we forget it was the dog that bit us in the first place.

    I think we’ve just truly seen the dog and are staying well clear of his yard.

    Lovely to hear from you in your good busy, good tired life!

    P xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s