Second 100 Days

Tomorrow I am sober 200 days. Simply frickin amazeballs (ode to Mrs. D). I can’t quite believe it myself.

Some adult language ahead. Like you don’t use it.

The first 100 days were slow moving, the horrible start, the why am I doing this first week, the woo fucking hoo after 30 days and OH those glorious pink clouds. With Belle’s help and reading all your blogs I made it through. After about 60 days I knew, I truly knew I would make it. I got MAD. Who did this wolf, this voice in my head think he was? What the hell was he doing in my head, it’s MY head. It’s My life, I wanted it back so badly I was going to defeat that MFer.(Just can’t bring myself to type it, but I’m thinking it.) I was thinking it on my journey. Getting pissed really helped me continue. I would silence that voice, I would slay that beast. I didn’t get my old life back, I got a new life with a new old me. Free. I’m free of the voice. I no longer need a drink to be happy, sad, mad, glad. Once I stopped romanticizing the wine, seeing it for what it really was, is, a toxin, a poison that takes years to get out of the blood, the liver and it never really leaves the brain of a problem drinker. I look at my husband’s glass of wine and I feel sorry that he can’t see it for what it really is… yet. It no longer tempts me. It repulses me.

The second 100 days have flown by, seriously. In a blink I went from 100 to 180 to 200. I’m really looking forward to 365. I need to start thinking about a treat, a really extravagant treat cause I’m worth it. The app on my phone says I’ve saved $2995.84. I know I can’t possibly spend that much. Husband #1 would kill me. But it has to be something grand. It is now ALL ABOUT ME. I’m 62 and it’s about fucking time that it’s all about me. I still worry about my kids and my grandchildren and I help as much as I can but it’s my turn now. I gave 20 plus years to the wolf. The next 20 plus are mine!

I’ll make it to 365 because I will not let some unhealthy, vile beast with drool dripping fangs take over again. That’s what the voice in my head looked like, when I give it this identity I can fight better. He ruled my house, my body and my brain for too many miserable, shame filled years. As I’ve said before, I can’t bear the thought of starting over, I’m not sure I could. So to be safe I’ll stay the course.

The wolf that was in my head can just my kiss ass and move out. There’s a new Queen in the castle.


18 thoughts on “Second 100 Days

  1. Yeah!!!!!!!! Love this! Totes amazeballs. I agree that getting pissed helps. Like FUCK YOU world I am going to stay goddam sober and I am going to be HAPPY doing it. (has to be happy. I can’t bear the thought of being a miserable non-drinker). I often feel pissed .. at what? at alcohol.. the alcohol industry.. all the brainwashing.. my own brain for being washed.. the human condition for liking to escape realityโ€ฆ all of the above.

  2. Awesome and inspiring. Love the sober blogging community for exactly this type of post. Thank you and CHEERS! Here’s to decaf coffee, graham crackers and 200 days of kicking ass and taking names. (Hello there WOLFIE.)

  3. Excellent stuff!
    Congratulations on the fabulous achievement!
    I’m plenty of days behind you (Day 40 today) but doing OK and still fired-up to meet the ongoing challenges :o)
    Keep on rolling and keep on swearing! (I find that the older I get, the more fun/funny it is ;o) )….

    …. but, unfortunately, the asterisk key on my keyboard doesn’t work ;o) Tee hee!

    G x

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