Ok, this doesn’t really have anything to do with my sobriety. Whoops, oh yes it does, if I wasn’t sober you’d be scraping me off the floor.
Caring for baby Grace during the holidays is exhausting. Trying to wrap presents, bake cookies and find time to pee is taking it’s toll on Grammy. I practically drown sliding into a hot bath some nights. I could usually hand her to my husband when I needed to do something, but he was overseas for 12 days so it was just me, Grace and Ralph the Dog.
I love her immensely and will be heartbroken when she goes into daycare in February. I’m going to keep her two days a week once that starts. I feel guilty not keeping her 5 but I just can’t . I truly admire (and have great sympathy for) those grandparents that have to raise their grandchildren because of different circumstances. I volunteered initially because my son and daughter-in-law had to get on a waiting list at the center they chose and I thought she was just too young for daycare. Daycare is also so damn expensive, like a mortgage payment. We were doing just fine until Thanksgiving and then the thinking about gifts, buying gifts and Christmas traditions threw us out of whack.
I had two children 18 months apart in my early 30’s. I never blinked an eye. I even made my own fucking wrapping paper while baking cookies and fabric painting holly and wreaths on pillowcases. The point being I was 30/32 not 62! I have always prided myself on being a very fit, hip 62. Last week I went to bed around 8 PM two nights in a row! Old Fart! Since getting sober I’m usually up until 10 or 11 reading or sipping tea…but not lately. Thank God I now have a break for a week to recoup and the holidays will be a thing of the past.
Women in their late 50’s and early 60’s were not meant to bear children. God had a good plan, it is a young woman’s game.
Can you imagine my treatment of Gracie if I was still drinking. She wouldn’t get all of me. I’d be foggy headed and irritable and tired all the time; not just at night, after a day of baking in-between naps and singing carols to put her to sleep. She’s particularly fond of ‘O Holy Night’. Can’t imagine why, I don’t come close to the high notes. It makes Ralph the Dog whine.
So I just felt like ranting cause I was feeling like an old broad. But, after a week off, look out. I’ll be in fine form once more. Entering 2014 sober, fabulous and fashionable in my Belle bracelets and Carrie’s tiara wearing my slinky sober black dress.
In case I don’t post before Wednesday, have a wonderful, sober Christmas my new wonderful, sober friends.