Trudging Along

The post today over a Un-wined: Happier Like This, was about feeling flat and deflated, pink clouds moving along and staying sober.  I get that, I totally do.  I’m sure it’s part of the process.  I now have to look at my phone all the time to remember how far I’ve come, 116 days, thank you very much.  I do get bored.  I did before.  I do feel deflated.  I did before.  I’m trudging along, but I’m not thinking about drinking.  I just don’t want to go back there. 

I’d much rather be bored and out of sorts sober than not. And quite honestly for me there are now more up days than down. Really.  When I think of my old solution to bad days or boring days or exciting days or stressful days or celebratory days, I always did the same damn thing.  I drank, at home from 5 o’clock on, after dinner I sat on the couch and drank and watched stupid television.  I was useless really.  Night after night.  I just don’t feel that way anymore. 

Even on flat, boring, grey days I feel empowered, I’ve come so far.  I have Sharon back.  I don’t look in the mirror anymore and say what the hell happened to you, who are you and why are you doing this to yourself?  I like the woman that looks back at me now.  Even on boring nights with nothing to do but drink tea and relax, actually really relax. I’m ok with the quiet. So we trudge on, sometimes deflated and sometimes elated, but sober. Let’s just put on those slinky sober black dresses and strut our awesome selves, that will lift the spirits!

 

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