100 DAYS

Ok, so maybe this wasn’t outside my window this morning, but it should have been.  100 days ago I never ever thought I’d be here.  That life could be so crystal clear.  You really can enjoy life without alcohol.  Really, it can be done. Within these one hundred days I had my first sober birthday, first sober vacation, a sober anniversary.  Today, the 100th day, will just be like any other, I have to take care of Baby Grace and crazy dog Ralph, and crazy husband Jeff and myself.  Just like any other day, except now I’ve been sober for 100 days.  There’s no parade or fanfare, but I don’t need that anymore.  It was important to get a pat on the back at 30 days and 60 and at 90 I needed a compliment or two.  But I feel like it’s my way of life now.  Oh, I’ll sign up for 180, I don’t trust myself that much.  I need to be accountable to all of you.  I couldn’t have gotten this far without all of you.  Reading the blogs, commenting, having you respond. It’s means so much, a whole new group of friends, cyber, sober friends. This community is awesome. I am never ever alone.

I started reading the blog UnPickled,(Jean still checks on me every now and then) it was there I saw a comment by someone named Belle.  I went to her blog and I was hooked.  I read her blog from beginning to end, some posts more than once. I joined the challenge. She responded to me, emailed me, asked about me, encouraged me, cheered me on, insisted I treat myself. She started my sober car and helped fill my toolbox. I did sober jumpstart and talked with her.  I still talk with her.  She’s there, she answers me, she lets me rant. Belle started it all for me.  She made me WANT to get sober.  I owe her.  Bigtime.

I had to go back through Belle’s blog (Tired of Thinking About Drinking) to see when I started the challenge.  My name showed up on July 31st.  I think it was the beginning of day 4.  I really white knuckled those first few days, I wanted out of my own skin.  NOT ANY MORE.  My husband was overseas when I decided to quit yet again.  Totally disgusted with myself, ashamed of my behavior, waking at night hating myself I told him I signed up for a challenge to stop drinking for 100 days, his response “how the hell are you going to do that?”  No faith in me because I had quit so many times before.  I’ll only drink on weekends, I’ll only drink red instead of white cause I won’t drink so much, I’ll quit at the beginning of the week, month, year, on my birthday, on your birthday, on and on and on.  Now, he’s so impressed, he’s very jealous that he doesn’t have the courage yet to join me.  He tells me often I’m more beautiful today than ever. That’s my parade.  I feel beautiful.

Sorry for such a long post, I said this would be a blurb, not a blog but hey, 100 f…ing days! and I am beautiful.